Full Moon Dock Thoughts

A full moon is rising over our first night back in Ottawa.

Arrived in Ottawa at Gloucester Eccolands Park public dock at exactly 1:23 this afternoon.

Apparently it’s time to think about moving forward, and about letting go.

Not easy.

Simple things first.

I’ve let go of…

1. Some ropes and lines

2. The beautiful stainless steel spork I found in Peru

3. The other spork — folding stainless, and TSA approved (not that I’d fly, just nice to know authorities don’t object to it)

4. A really great silicone scrubby thing

5. Hot tea in the mornings (really too much bother for just one cup)

6. Showers and laundry (sort of, mostly, again)

And some harder things…

1. My ‘crew’… friends old and new, I miss them both

2. My plans and timeline… and yes expectations; I know better, but they still happen… completely out the window (or the hatch?)

3. Some of my confidence… and a lot, about some things

This morning, before leaving Swan on the Rideau and Hurst’s Marina, Mr Myrtle and I visited the willows we camped under a little over two years ago while walking to Ottawa. It was a little surreal, returning to the same place, for the same reasons, but in such a very different way. I wish I could have visited the Swan folks better, they’re such good people (and also, that veggie burger is seriously good!).

I was so wrapped up in worrying that I forgot to take a photo of the willows,. This is borrowed from the Swan on the Rideau website.

But Michel was good enough to come and had limited time, and we hadn’t gotten nearly far enough the day before… so we had to get underway.

I’ve learned a lot from Michel, and he’s a good human being. I think he’ll be back — and I have a lot more to learn from him.

I managed the ‘new’ outboard for all of both days getting here, though.. It’s fine, but I have post traumatic outboard issues. This helped, though.

I also realized how on edge I’ve been, spending nearly all the time on the water thus far being ready for things to go wrong, because they did, and there’s no time or space in skinny channels for convening a discussion of options and outcomes. Most of the rest of the time was spent putting out fires, so to speak. Trying to manage the immediate problems. But I did that while catching pieces of news … the IPCC report… the fires… and I type this under a smoke-stained orange moon on a river full of gas.

I’m even more grateful for Sarah’s, and Michel’s, company. Their help managing the sailboat made something impossible possible. Their company helped me manage myself through a mindbending month.

They’re both wondering if it might be possible to come with me for the winter trip, but that just might not be possible. The same applies to another friend turning the idea over. It would be flipping beautiful if any of them really could… but I’d really also have to have better power and internet (and etc) for them to be able to.

Hopefully either I’m wrong or that works out somehow (anyone have time to write letters asking for ‘sponsors’ or donations???), but in the interests of being practical, I’ve posted on a few crewfinding websites and some similar places. Yes, I’ll be careful, and we’ll see what happens.

Meanwhile, the border didn’t open. It’s closed another 30 days, they say. Okay. Except not. But then again, I’ll have to be in Ottawa (area) for a little bit longer than that anyways.

That’s pushing it a bit late for going south, but I’m still hoping things work out.

…and that is a very large letting go… letting go of fear makes room for hope.

Remember that movie After Earth? This line from it has been striking me in a whole ‘nother way since the October 2018 IPCC report, and is again now in light of the new report.

Fear is a choice. Don’t get me wrong — the danger is real… but fear is a choice.

Yes, the danger is all too real. Recognize it and respect it… but if you fear it, it’s the end.

Fear disables.

It impairs the response system similarly to how virus and disease impair our bodies’ response systems.

I feel the nervous stress of the past month in every single piece of me, but if I direct that forward, I will not be able to do any of the things I need to do.

I have to let go of it.

Respect the issues causing the fear… but look at them, and either make them work or make something that does. Or let something better happen, by believing in it, because that focuses our subconscious in that direction, and so the way we live our lives.

Collectively, that’s the rudder of this boat we’re all in.

So…

Here’s what I have to do (and believe in and manifest!)…

1. Boat work (repairs and gear)

2. Trip work (planning, crew, learning)

3. Project work (blog and facebook and there really ought to be instagram and twitter but i can’t, petition, write talks and workshops and ideas and proposals and requests)

4. Personal work (health, passport, keeping in touch

5. Let go of expectations

6. Move forward (but hopefully but literally yet, as in to another place, unless a really good one materializes… can I keep that expectation? I’ll try to tidy up this beautiful park first, though.

With hope and determination, which I thank you for,

Ann

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How to help the Climate Emergency Sailboat move forward…

Sporadic and one-time support through Chuffed, at

https://chuffed.org/project/climate-emergency-sailboat

Ongoing support via Patreon (though I’m having trouble posting there, my apologies), at

patreon.com/climateemergencysailboat

Thank you… your help means the world to me… and I’m trying to update the budget/maintenance log/needs file, if you’d like to know what your help does.

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